Don't Go
by afaithfulwriter890
Summary: Dean and Cas talk over the years on their Instant Message accounts, Impala67 and Angel Wings. Over a period of five years they stay in contact, promising never to completely leave each other. But time changes everything.
1. Talk of Parties and the Future

_Don't Go_ \- 1

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 **I don't own Supernatural or Emily is Away, the game this is loosely based off of.**

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 **Talks of Parties and the Future**

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 **May 20, 2005**

 _Angel_Wings is online._

 **Impala67:** hey cas

 **Angel_Wings:** Hello Dean.

 **Impala 67:** hows it hanging

 **Angel_Wings:** How is what hanging?

 **Impala 67:** its an expression cas

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh.

 **Impala67:** so what do u have goin on this weekend?

 **Angel_Wings:** Mostly homework. How is Sam?

 **Impala67:** oh you know same old annoying little brother

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, I know you don't mean that. You love Sam.

 **Impala67:** ok cas but that doesn't mean I have to say it all the time

 **Angel_Wings:** I suppose not. What are you doing this weekend, Dean?

 **Impala67:** Saturday night im going to a party with bela

 **Angel_Wings:** Bela? Who's Bela?

 **Impala67:** bela from my homeroom? super smokin hot bela

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh. I see.

 **Impala67:** yeah some chick named april is hosting it. you should come cas you might find a girl

 **Angel_Wings:** You go ahead, Dean. I really have to study this weekend. And besides I wouldn't want to intrude on your date with Bela.

 **Impala67:** its hardly a date cas

 **Angel_Wings:** You always say that, Dean.

 **Impala67:** well when is it really a date where i actually like the girl

 **Angel_Wings:** Let's talk about something else. I don't want to hear about your sexual exploits, Dean.

 **Impala67:** ok ok touchy

 **Angel_Wings:** Have you picked a college, yet?

 **Impala67:** heh yea bout that

 **Angel_Wings:** What do you mean? I thought you told me you were down to two you liked?

 **Impala67:** cas im not going to college

 **Angel_Wings:** What? But I thought you had it narrowed down to two! And what about those scholarships you won?

 **Impala67:** yeah well

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean? What happened?

 **Impala67:** my dad

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh.

 **Impala67:** look i dont wanna talk about it

 **Angel_Wings:** I'm sorry, Dean.

 **Impala67:** dont be. aint your fault. sammy is gonna go to college and thats all that matters

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean.

 **Impala67:** hows it lookin for you college-wise

 **Angel_Wings:** It's alright I suppose. It's weird to think that in August, I'll be moving to Connecticut to go to Yale.

 **Impala67:** its not just alright its amazing cas. youre so smart. always have been

 **Angel_Wings:** I wish you could come with me, Dean. I really am not looking forward to making new friends up there on my own.

 **Impala67:** dont sweat it cas. they'll love you. and if they dont well screw them

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, most people don't think as highly of me as you do.

 **Impala67:** and most people are idiots cas

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean.

 **Impala67:** what are you doing tonight?

 **Angel_Wings:** Homework.

 **Impala67:** make it wait

 **Angel_Wings:** Why?

 **Impala67:** look i just saw the trailer for that new movie house of wax and i really wanna go see it

 **Angel_Wings:** House of Wax? You mean with that Jared Pada-something-or-other?

 **Impala67:** yeah! come on cas lets go see it

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, it's a Friday night.

 **Impala67:** and?

 **Angel_Wings:** Shouldn't you be taking a "smoking hot" girl like Bela to see this horror movie?

 **Impala67:** why cant i take my best friend in the whole wide world instead?

 **Angel_Wings:** I

 **Impala67:** come on cas please

 **Angel_Wings:** I'll ask Michael if I can go out for a few hours.

 **Impala67:** yes!

 **Angel_Wings:** Okay. Michael said that I can go.

 **Impala67:** awesome! okay i'll pick you up at 7?

 **Angel_Wings:** Sure, Dean. Whatever you want. I'll be ready.

 **Impala67:** See you then.


	2. The Hits Get Harder

_Don't Go - 2_

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 **I do not own Supernatural.**

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 **The Hits Get Harder**

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 **June 30, 2005**

 _Angel_Wings is online._

 **Angel_Wings:** Hello Dean.

 **Impala67:** oh hey cas

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean? I'm sensing that you aren't overjoyed to talk to me?

 **Impala67:** nah its not that im just really worn out

 **Angel_Wings:** Is everything alright, Dean?

 **Impala67:** fuckin bela

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh no. Dean, what happened?

 **Impala67:** she is such a bitch I swear

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, I am going to have an aneurysm. Will you just tell me what's going on?

 **Impala67:** dammit cas she's gonna get me arrested

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, what do you mean?

 **Impala67:** ok so we went to the party right? well when we were there, we did just what you thought we were gonna do. we fucked ok? just… fuck cas i cant even

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, it's okay. Whatever happened, it's okay. I'm here to help you.

 **Impala67:** we fucked and then it was as usual. it was over you know? and then she tried to get back with me and i kept telling her no no no and now shes tellin people that i raped her at that fucking party and i didn't cas. this isnt just gonna ruin my rep I could get put in jail cas

 **Angel_Wings:** Tell John.

 **Impala67:** fuck no he'd beat me into next week

 **Angel_Wings:** Then why don't you tell Mrs. Singer? She is the sheriff after all. I'm sure Jody would believe you since you're practically her nephew.

 **Impala67:** maybe. this bitch is psycho cas

 **Angel_Wings:** It'll work out alright, Dean. I heard she's going away for college anyway so you won't have to deal with her for too much longer.

 **Impala67:** yeah maybe but when she leaves you'll be gone too

 **Angel_Wings:** I'm sorry for wanting to be a life-saving doctor.

 **Impala67:** you better be. jk cas

 **Angel_Wings:** Jk?

 **Impala67:** just kidding. jeez cas get up to date on your IM lingo

 **Angel_Wings:** I'm… not even going to ask.

 **Impala67:** so, my probs aside, hows life been treating you

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh it's been pretty nice, actually. It's weird not seeing you at school every day, but I've been spending more time with my brothers. Gabriel brought home one of his friends from college. I really like him. His name is Adam.

 **Impala67:** adam? sounds like some crappy side character in a main stream tv show that appears in a few episodes and is always forgotten by everyone on the show although the fanbase continues to remember them

 **Angel_Wings:** That… was an oddly specific generalization, Dean.

 **Impala67:** seriously tho he sounds like a tool

 **Angel_Wings:** You don't know anything about him, Dean. It's not fair to judge

 **Impala67:** who said anything about judging?

 **Angel_Wings:** I think it's very obvious that you are judging him based on his name alone and the fact that he is my brother's friend.

 **Impala67:** so what is he like

 **Angel_Wings:** He's really nice, actually. In fact, he reminds me of you.

 **Impala67:** yeah well i can assure you he's not as good as the real thing

 **Angel_Wings:** He goes to Yale, so we're gonna go up together in the fall. He knows where everything is and he said he'll introduce me to all his friends. You remember how I was so nervous about meeting new people? Well, I won't be all alone anymore. He isn't… as brazen as you are, but he kind of looks like you.

 **Impala67:** thats nice

 **Angel_Wings:** He's going there for business. He's really smart too.

 **Impala67:** cool. are you dating him or something?

 **Angel_Wings:** No… Why do you ask, Dean?

 **Impala67:** cuz ur gushing over him right now like hes the greatest thing since sliced bread

 **Angel_Wings:** I'm just glad to have a friend for college, Dean. It's not like he could ever mean more to me than you do.

 **Impala67:** you mean that?

 **Angel_Wings:** Well, of course, Dean. We've been friends since we were little. No college guy is going to change that. You don't have to worry.

 **Impala67:** ok cas. hey, what are you doing next week?

 **Angel_Wings:** I don't think anything, why?

 **Impala67:** well sam and i were gonna go up and rent a cabin on the lake with the money ive saved from workin at the shop. wanna come with us?

 **Angel_Wings:** I'd love to, Dean.

 **Impala67:** Okay, see you then.

 _Impala67 is offline._


	3. Tensions Rise

_Don't Go - 3_

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 **I don't own Supernatural.**

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 **Tensions Rise**

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 **September 10, 2005**

 _Angel_Wings is online_.

 **Impala67:** cas!

 **Angel_Wings:** Hello, Dean.

 **Impala67:** how's college life treating you?

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh, it's going really well, actually. I love it here… And, well… I have good news.

 **Impala67:** oh yea? lay it on me

 **Angel_Wings:** Adam and I are dating.

 _Message sent 7 minutes ago._

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean?

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean did you disappear?

 **Impala67:** no no im here i had to take a piss

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh, okay. I got worried for a second.

 **Impala67:** yea sorry for not warning you. hey, im happy for you. you deserve happiness cas

 **Angel_Wings:** Thank you, Dean. I know you didn't like Adam the last time we talked, but I really hope that changes. He's really nice and sweet… He almost reminds me of you.

 _Message sent 10 minutes ago._

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean? Are you having bowel trouble?

 _Message sent 3 minutes ago._

 **Impala67:** yea sorry cas

 **Angel_Wings:** It's alright. I understand, Dean.

 **Impala67:** yea i doubt that.

 _Message sent 5 minutes ago_.

 **Impala67:** so what are you doing

 **Angel_Wings:** I'm just working on a paper on various types of skin diseases. It's very open-ended and I'm only focusing on about five different types. I'm on page 10 already.

 **Impala67:** well damn. if anyone can do it though you can

 **Angel_Wings:** Thanks, Dean. What have you been up to lately?

 **Impala67:** just working in my dads shop

 **Angel_Wings:** How's Sam?

 **Impala67:** hes a sophomore now. still getting straight A's. colleges are already trying to recruit him

 **Angel_Wings:** Well, tell him he should go to Yale if he can. I can keep an eye on him his freshman year.

 **Impala67:** lol yea well it looks like his heart is set on stanford

 **Angel_Wings:** That's a good school, but on the other side of the country. I mean, if he came to Yale, Adam and I could watch him.

 _Message sent 7 minutes ago._

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean?

 **Impala67:** no offense cas but i dont want adam around sam

 **Angel_Wings:** Why?

 **Impala67:** i just dont. i dont want anything to do with him

 **Angel_Wings:** What did he ever do to you to make you hate him so much?

 **Impala67:** lol

 **Angel_Wings:** ?

 _Message sent 2 minutes ago._

 **Angel_Wings:** Is this about what happened at the cabin this summer?

 _Message sent 6 minutes ago._

 **Impala67:** for being so damn smart, you can be really fucking stupid sometimes cas

 _Impala67 is offline._


	4. Baring Their Souls

_Don't Go - 4_

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 **I don't own Supernatural.**

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 **Baring Their Souls**

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 **March 16, 2006**

 _Impala67 is online._

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean

 **Impala67:** hey

 **Angel_Wings:** How have you been?

 **Impala67:** ive been better

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean… Can… Can we talk?

 **Impala67:** bout wat

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean I feel really bad about the last time we talked. I don't want things to end like that. I don't want a boy to be the thing that gets between us and ruin our friendship.

 _Message sent 5 minutes ago._

 **Impala67:** ok cas. look i dont want our friendship to end either. its too important to me to just throw away. you mean too much to me for that. i guess that all that talk of adam just bothered me a little too much since i really dont like him

 **Angel_Wings:** Well, you don't have to worry anymore. Adam… Adam is no longer in the picture.

 **Impala67:** meaning…?

 **Angel_Wings:** We broke up about a month ago.

 **Impala67:** shit

 **Impala67:** fuck

 **Impala67:** are you ok?

 **Angel_Wings:** Yeah. I'm okay. Look, spring break is next week and I was gonna come back to Kansas to visit the family and I was thinking… Maybe we could hang out?

 **Impala67:** hang out? As in…

 **Angel_Wings:** If you want.

 **Impala67:** i

 **Impala67:** id like to see you, cas

 **Angel_Wings:** I'd like to see you too, Dean. I miss you.

 **Impala67:** i miss you too. ive missed you for a long time now. when you left for college i…

 **Angel_Wings:** I'm sorry, Dean.

 **Impala67:** you were my best friend. you were there for me whenever my dad was being a dick when I really needed someone to talk to since i could never talk to sam about this stuff. And i… ive been

 _Message sent 8 minutes ago._

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean?

 **Impala67:** just

 **Impala67:** dont hate me ok?

 **Angel_Wings:** I could never hate you, Dean.

 **Impala67:** i

 **Impala67:** ive been in love with you since we were seven

 _Message sent 5 minutes ago_.

 **Angel_Wings:** But… But what about all those girls?

 **Impala67:** they werent anything special. i never cared about them… not the way i cared about you

 **Angel_Wings:** So all this time?

 **Impala67:** yes

 **Angel_Wings:** Why didn't you ever say anything? You knew I was gay.

 **Impala67:** my dad wouldve killed me. when we were kids i wanted to give you a card on valentines day but my dad told me boys didnt give other boys cards. i kept insisting over the years that i liked you and he just started getting irritated. he told me it was wrong to like you like that and i shouldnt… and well you know the shit he did to me

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean

 **Angel_Wings:** I didn't know

 **Angel_Wings:** I thought that you were straight. You were always sleeping with girls like Bela and Jo and Anna.

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, can I be completely honest with you?

 **Impala67:** why not i just bared my soul to you

 **Angel_Wings:** I've been in love with you since we were kids too. But I always thought you just liked me as a friend. And then you started dating those girls and I just figured you didn't like guys. So I met Adam and I started dating him because… Well… I figured you would never like me that way.

 **Impala67:** are you serious

 **Angel_Wings:** Yes… Why wouldn't I be?

 **Impala67:** all these years we were both in love with each other and we never knew?

 **Angel_Wings:** I… I suppose so.

 **Impala67:** cas

 **Impala67:** i wanna see you

 **Angel_Wings:** I want to see you too, Dean. I'm leaving for Kansas this weekend and I'll be there all next week.

 **Impala67:** ok

 **Impala67:** and when you get here lets make up for all that lost time ok

 **Angel_Wings:** Okay, Dean. See you then.

 _Angel_Wings is away._


	5. Guilt and Regret

_Don't Go - 5_

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 **I don't own Supernatural.**

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 **Guilt and Regret**

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 **May 30, 2006**

 _Impala67 is online._

 **Angel_Wings:** Hello, Dean.

 **Impala67:** hey

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean

 **Impala67:** yea?

 **Angel_Wings:** How are things?

 **Impala67:** ok

 **Angel_Wings:** How's Sam?

 _Message sent 10 minutes ago._

 **Impala67:** cas I cant do this

 **Angel_Wings:** Do what?

 **Impala67:** talk normally like this

 **Impala67:** like nothing happened

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, I'm not trying to make it like nothing happened.

 **Impala67:** did you want something to happen?

 **Angel_Wings:** What do you mean?

 **Impala67:** I MEAN did you intend for us to hook up?

 **Angel_Wings:** I

 **Angel_Wings:** After what we talked about, I knew it was a possibility. But it was not like I went out with you with the sole intention of having sex.

 **Impala67:** really?

 **Angel_Wings:** Yes, really.

 **Impala67:** i just find it funny that you broke up with adam then decided to tell me all these things about how you loved me since we were little. you come back and go out with me and we have sex in my car. yea thats ok and all and dont get me wrong i enjoyed it. i just find it interesting that you go back to college and then never answer any of my messages. then i see you changed your relationship status from single to in a relationship. when i was it i smiled and thought you meant me but then i looked at your bio.

 **Impala67:** two week cas

 **Impala67:** two fucking weeks

 **Impala67:** two weeks after you visited you and adam get back together?

 **Impala67:** after everything?

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean

 **Impala67:** SHUT up and LISTEN TO ME

 **Impala67:** do i mean nothing to you cas?

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean that's not it.

 **Impala67:** am i just your bit on the side when theres trouble in paradise?

 **Angel_Wings:** LOOK I FUCKED UP

 **Angel_Wings:** I KNOW I FUCKED UP

 **Angel_Wings:** I didn't want to get back with Adam but he guilt-tripped me. He kept messaging me and was begging me to take him back. He told me he was going to kill himself if I didn't go on a date with him. So I did. One date. I told myself I'd go out with him just once and then be done with it. Well, obviously it didn't happen that way. He just… I couldn't turn him down not when he was so pitiful Dean.

 **Impala67:** do you love him?

 _Message sent 7 minutes ago._

 **Impala67:** damn it cas

 **Angel_Wings:** I don't know.

 **Impala67:** Do you love me?

 _Message sent 9 minutes ago._

 **Angel_Wings:** I don't know.

 _Impala67 is away._


	6. Don't Go

_Don't Go - 6_

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 **I don't own Supernatural.**

* * *

 **Don't Go**

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 **October 5, 2006**

 _Impala67 is online._

 **Impala67:** cas?

 **Angel_Wings:** Hello Dean.

 **Impala67:** it

 **Impala67:** its been a while

 **Angel_Wings:** It has. How are you, Dean?

 **Impala67:** im

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean?

 **Impala67:** shit sorry. Sam brought home a fucking cat and its currently trying to lay on my keyboard

 **Angel_Wings:** You own a cat?

 **Impala67:** i DO NOT own a cat. Sam has a cat.

 **Angel_Wings:** What's it's name?

 **Impala67:** Bumblebee.

 **Impala67:** i named it actually.

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh my gosh. Bumblebees used to be my favorite things.

 **Impala67:** i know

 **Angel_Wings:** What have you been up to lately?

 **Impala67:** I finally got out of my dads house. sam and i are living in an apartment in downtown lawrence now. im not at the shop anymore either. im training under jody to join the police force

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you.

 **Impala67:** its been keeping me occupied

 **Impala67:** so what have you been doing? hows college?

 **Angel_Wings:** It's good. One year down, three more to go. The first semester is about halfway done. After these three years, it's off to med school.

 **Impala67:** How's adam?

 **Angel_Wings:** Oh he's… okay I guess. I haven't talked to him in a while.

 **Impala67:** Oh? How long has that been going on?

 **Angel_Wings:** Since the end of May.

 **Impala67:** so… the last time we talked

 **Angel_Wings:** You made me realize that I didn't really love Adam.

 **Impala67:** well then its probably for the best.

 **Angel_Wings:** Yeah, I suppose… I just wished it all unfolded differently.

 **Impala67:** yea hey I gotta go

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean please

 **Angel_Wings:** don't go

 **Angel_Wings:** I didn't mean to upset you

 **Impala67:** You didn't. I have to leave for work.

 **Angel_Wings:** Dean

 _Impala67 is away._


	7. Missing

_Don't Go - 7_

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 **I don't own Supernatural.**

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 **Missing**

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 **January 16, 2007**

 _Angel_Wings is online._

 **Sam52:** Castiel

 **Angel_Wings:** Sam? As in Sam Winchester?

 **Sam52:** Look, I didn't want to make this account, but I didn't know how else to get ahold of you. I knew Dean used to message you on this.

 **Angel_Wings:** Yeah. What do you need?

 **Sam52:** It's Dean. He's… gone. We don't know where he went or anything like that. Do you know of anywhere he might be? Where he could have gone? Did he say anything?

 _Message sent 6 minutes ago._

 **Sam52:** Castiel?

 **Angel_Wings:** Im here

 **Sam52:** Do you know of anything?

 **Angel_Wings:** I

 _Angel_Wings is away._


	8. The Angel Can't Save Him Anymore

_Don't Go - 8_

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 **I don't own Supernatural.**

 **WARNING: This chapter mentions suicide and self-harm in general. If this triggers or bothers you, please avoid this chapter because I don't want you to get hurt or anything. 3**

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 **The Angel Can't Save Him Anymore**

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 **January 18, 2007**

The sun set in the west, its glorious visage reflected off the waters of the lake. A rickety old dock that had been there for at least three decades swayed back and forth in the gentle current, no longer anchored down. A man in a loose-fitting leather jacket stood on the edge of the dock. His green eyes stared solemnly at the fantastic array of colors splattered across the sky. Behind him, a wooden cabin was nestled beneath the trees. Wind rustled through the leaves—it was a northern wind and had a chilly bite to it. The leather jacket and the faded blue jeans he wore kept out some of the coldness, but his face had no protection. He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. His vision blurred with tears—tears that he tried to tell himself were there because of the wind.

But he knew why they were really there.

His hand fingered the pistol that was attached to his hip. Jody had given it to him in his training, and Dean had been so excited to use it to fight crime—to put criminals in jail, to protect the innocent public. He never thought the first time he'd use the weapon would be to put a bullet in his head.

Dean Winchester's thoughts began to wander. He thought of his father, of Sam, of Bobby, of Jody, and, of course, of Castiel. Castiel. The blue-eyed angel that had walked into his life when he was seven-years-old. He had not seen Castiel since March of 2006. That was the last time he saw his angel's face—almost a year ago. Castiel was one of the few things he wanted to live for, but also one of the things that made him feel the most pain.

Losing Castiel when he went away to college was one of the worst things that ever happened to Dean. He still had Sammy, but even his beloved little brother was not enough to protect him from his demons. Only Castiel—his best friend who would stay up with Dean until the wee hours of the morning and listen to him talk about his problems—was the one who could help him. Castiel knew more about Dean than anyone. He knew about the darkness that lurked in Dean's heart. He knew how Dean was dead inside, how John Winchester had killed him long ago. He knew that Dean hated himself and felt inadequate in everything he did. He knew that Dean was too afraid to ever admit these things to anyone except Cas. When Cas left, Dean's world came crashing down around him.

So much had happened since the end of his senior year. So many good and so many terrible things. Bela Talbot—the bitch who ruined his reputation in Lawrence. Castiel who left him for a college guy named Adam. Sam who was getting straight A's. John Winchester who threatened to kill Dean when he took Sam away from him. Castiel was not there to listen to everything Dean had to say anymore. Castiel had his own problems.

Dean took a chance when he told Castiel the truth—that he had loved him since they were eight years old, he took a big risk. Even though he did love him, Dean valued Castiel's friendship entirely too much to potentially ruin it. But he took a gamble. And it paid off. Castiel came home. It was the best week Dean ever had. Castiel stayed at his apartment, shared his bed, gave him gentle kisses on the lips and the forehead. They went down to the cabin on the lake and made love on the beach in the moonlight, listening to the waves crashing against the sandy shore.

Dean was so sure that his life was finally going right, and then it all fell apart. He messaged Castiel every day, but his angel never responded. Dean began to panic and he did some things he was not proud of. He stalked Castiel on social media, trying to find out what was up—if he still had a computer, if something had changed, if he was even still alive. Then he found it. The updated relationship status. It read: "IN A RELATIONSHIP." At first, Dean felt butterflies in his stomach. He thought Castiel considered them to be more than friends; his computer probably crashed or he just didn't have time to talk thanks to college. Then he found the pictures. The pictures of him and blond boy that didn't look too different than Dean did. The captions of these pictures, posted by Castiel, read "Me and my boyfriend, Adam."

It crushed him.

His world came crashing down around him.

Castiel was truly gone, now he knew.

Dean never let anyone know how much he was dying inside. He held his head high, put on a smile for Sammy, Bobby, and Jody. He tried to be a model citizen—he even started training to become a police officer. To an outsider, it would look like Dean Winchester's life was going pretty good. They didn't know how he cried himself to sleep at night. They didn't know how he struggled with the urge to take the pistol out of the drawer in his nightstand and put a bullet in his brain.

He didn't know what was the final straw. For a while, he thought it was his last talk with Castiel—the way his angel had begged him not to go. He remembered watching Castiel's words appear on his computer screen. He remembered laughing weakly and shaking his head. _So it looks like Castiel finally figured out who he loves,_ Dean had thought. _Too bad it's too late._

Dean took the gun out of his jacket and turned off the safety. He let out a shaky breath. All he could think of now was Sam. Sam would be okay. Sam was strong. Sam had a future. Sam was going to college to be a lawyer. He was going to marry a pretty girl. He was going to have a family of four and get a beer gut. He was going to be okay. He was going to be happy. Dean was never going to be happy.

He pressed the gun's barrel against the side of his head. His eyes watched the lake, the waves lapping against the shore where he and Castiel had made love just under a year ago. The last time he'd been here, he was so happy. Now all he wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up.

Dean closed his eyes, his finger settling on the trigger. "I'm sorry, Sammy," he whispered.

"DEAN!"

That voice. He knew that voice. Dean turned his back to the lake, not lowering the gun. He saw the man who both saved and ruined him running across the grass toward him. He wore a tan trench coat that billowed behind him. His spikey black hair was more mussed and untidy than usual. There were bags under his bright, blue eyes. The eyes themselves were red around the edges and filled with tears. "DEAN!" he shouted again, reaching the edge of the dock. "Don't."

Dean shook his head, his finger tightening on the trigger. He stared at his angel—here to save him again. But it was too late. Castiel couldn't save him this time. "I'm sorry, Cas."

"DEAN, NO!"

He pulled the trigger.


	9. I Found Him

_Don't Go - Part 9_

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 **I don't own Supernatural.**

* * *

 **I Found Him**

* * *

 **January 18, 2007**

TEXT MESSAGES BETWEEN SAM WINCHESTER AND CASTIEL

 **Castiel:** Sam I found him

 **Sam:** Oh thank god. Where is he? Is he ok?

 **Castiel:** No. He was at the cabin on the lake. He… well… there's no easy way to say this. He tried to kill himself Sam

 **Sam:** WHAT

 **Castiel:** He's at the University of Kansas Hospital. I was there when he did it. I tried to stop him. I managed to knock the gun away a little so the bullet didn't touch his brain. It still hit him tho and cracked his skull. His brain's fine though. I kept him alive until the ambulance got there.

 **Sam:** Castiel thank you. Thank you so much. Bobby Jody and I are on our way now

 **Castiel:** Don't mention it Sam. It's the least I can do. I mean it's my fault

 **Sam:** What do you mean?

 _Message was sent 7 minutes ago._

 **Sam:** CASTIEL


End file.
